Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Theme of the Day
Thursday, November 11th, 2010
When I opened my blog posts today I was astonished to see that it had been 10 months since I’ve written a post. I haven’t had a consistent creative outlet in months. I admonished myself (like only I can get away with). No wonder I’ve been noticing a growing level of irritability lately, and why my children have been doing their homework in an adjacent room. (more…)
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Don’t mention me
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010
“This isn’t going to show up in your next book, is it?”
It’s a funny thing about being a non-fiction writer. It seems it has made some people wary of me. I knew this was true when Olivia scrunched her face and said, “I can’t believe you wrote that.” And when friends have made disclaimers in conversations, stopping themselves mid-sentence to say, “Don’t blog about this.” I even overheard one of my brothers say to another,”Watch it. She remembers everything” (call it a curse, but it is true). (more…)
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Another Welcome Home
Tuesday, January 12th, 2010
Home. It can find you in many places. Like today, for instance. All day, I was defining home as this lovely house that I live in. “Should I go out for coffee or just stay home?” I thought to myself. I filled out an application online and they asked for my home number. I knew which one they meant – it traveled along a cable and entered my phone through a hole in the exterior wall of my kitchen, into my home.
Sometimes home is Milwaukee where I grew up in, and where my entire family lives still. I’ve been deciding when I’ll go home this summer for our annual family retreat weekend.
Tonight I experienced another home, one that I had forgotten was a vital part of my weave. It was my graduate school, JFK University. I have been attending JFKU since the fall of 2006, and I’ve come a long way since the first term, when I was shocked we were actually meditating in class. Now I’m upset if the meditation is too short. (more…)
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It’s Been a Year
Thursday, December 31st, 2009
I sat at a cafe and glanced down at an abandoned newspaper. The Lifestyle section had a column titled “Fifty Things We Learned in 2009″. I sighed. It seemed that everywhere I turned, the media was assembling synopses.
At first I thought the summaries bothered me because I am more comfortable looking ahead than I am looking back. Or it could be because I thought it was preposterous to try to sum up 365 days in one column or television segment.
But then it dawned on me. The reason I didn’t want to review the last year was because it was dangerous territory. If I dipped my toe in the water of nostalgia, I would likely be pulled in by the tide of gratitude. If I gave it just a little thought, if I put together the pieces of the last twelve months, I would see that I had a year overflowing with mind-blowing blessings. And I really needed to write a final paper for grad school today.
As I sat in the pew of my synagogue, mesmerized by Harrison’s d’var torah as he become a bar mitzvah, I knew it was a special year. A shy child become a bold man, looking his guests in the eye as he shook their hands, allowing himself to be body-passed over the dancing crowd, hugging me when he thanked me and Michael at the end of the night. It was a year of watching Olivia mature, too, as she generously handed her brother the limelight, and as she made fresh choices for healthy friendships. There was nothing like watching her ferociously face opponents on the basketball court, too.
My brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, sisters-in-law and parents astounded me with their bottomless well of love in 2009. They flew out to California for Harrison’s bar mitzvah, and filled the crowd at my book launch in Milwaukee. They called me and offered me support as I decided to leave consultancy and seek the next career move. Throughout the last year, they constantly told me words that still make me cry today: I’ve got your back.
It was a year of nieces. Sabrina moved in with us, and Stephanie spent after school hours with the kids every week. They both share their spirit, their humor, their zeal for life with our households. They are forbidden to leave the state. I’ve offered them incentives to lure their siblings to California.
This year I finally deeply understand the transitions my mom had the courage to go through in her own life, and I credit her with my strength and stamina. She was my first one to read my manuscript, she is my first call after a victory, and the first voice of support on a bad day. She held up my book at every one of her networking meetings, boasting about her daughter and selling books, and she scheduled my book launch in Milwaukee. Forget the woman behind the man. She’s the mom behind the woman.
Hikes with girlfriends and candid conversations were the highlights of my weeks last year. I am so fortunate to have friends who showed such unbridled enthusiasm when The New Jew was published, and their support for everything I do means the world to me.
My book tour gave me the unexpected bonus of spending time with friends I had lapsed with. They opened their homes to me when I stayed in their cities, feeding me, giving me vitamins when I was getting overrun from exhaustion. I felt nurtured and loved every time I travelled, and friendships have found second lives.
A surprise romance opened my heart to love in a new stage of life, and I am so very lucky. It’s different this time around – kids, schedules, careers and life’s daily bustle make it challenging to see each other sometimes, but I’m learning to integrate, and it is lovely.
It was a year with death. My brother-in-law Marshall passed away. I miss him very much. I don’t think I’ll ever see a smile like his again. I was stunned by the death of my friend Robert, a friend of mine from Larchmont Temple. When I was last there he took a photo of me that I loved so much, I use it on my Facebook author page. They, and others, are gone. But they are not forgotten.
It is confirmed – I cannot possibly summarize an entire year in an essay. For every sentence of gratitude I begin, ten more pop into my mind. How can I recall each pomegranate colored sunset over my deck, the cat’s smug expression from the sofa, the raucous games of Pictionary, the sound of the branches brushing my window, the taste of the best smoothie ever, the feel of my daughter’s hand in mine?
I have just one New Year’s resolution: to give back even half as much as I received last year.
Happy New Year.
Posted in Blog, Friends and such, Uncategorized, memory | 1 Comment »
Catching the Train
Tuesday, December 29th, 2009
It is vacation time. The kids are on school break and I am enjoying the simple pleasures for the first time in a long time – sporadically anyhow. No planes to catch, no interviews to schedule, no books to send. It has been board games, making tissue paper flowers, challenging kids in scrabble and humiliating myself on Wii games in between interviews, meetings and final papers.
One of Harrison’s and Olivia’s biggest treats is reading past midnight. This has seriously cut into my opportunity for late night television, something I indulge in just a few times a year. So, when the kids left for Tahoe with Michael, I surrounded myself with DVD’s and munchies and ended the night with an episode of CSI: New York .
There are a few seductions to this show, and they all reflect a sampling of my fantasies: of being a detective, of having curls like Melina Kanakaredes’, of having a job with cool, high-tech gadgets, (more…)
Posted in Motherhood, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
We Clean
Monday, October 12th, 2009
“You know, you have to do your housecleaning chores before you can play.”
Harrison, Olivia, my niece Stephanie, and I were enjoying a Saturday morning pancake breakfast at the dining room table. We love it when Stephanie spends the weekend with us. At 25 years old, Stephanie, who lives in Daly City, brings a special effervescence to our household. She somehow manages to be both an adult and a playful child. One moment she and I are sitting on the sofa, talking about spirituality and philosophy, and an hour later I spot her climbing out of a steep incline of bushes, pulling twigs out of her hair, holding high a red rubber ball. (more…)
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Direction
Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
I am back from my Chicago trip. It was one of those experiences where I was so many places at once – in my head, anyhow. Eckhart Tolle would not have been impressed.
There were many triggers to my past, starting with the air. The atmosphere in the Midwest is different from the air in California – particularly the crisp, autumn air that welcomed me every day in Chicago. One step outside the door and I was transported to the mounds of fall leaves my siblings and I used to take a half-hour to pile high, only to destroy them with jumps, stomps, and raucous throws.
Staying with my friends, Adam and Joyce, and their 18-month old brought me back to my days as a young mother, nurturing toddlers. The sentimental side of me idealized the loveliness of living life with a little one, their little hands grasping mine, (more…)
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Excellent
Thursday, August 27th, 2009
A few evenings ago I ducked out of the house to go on a walk. I needed to clear my head, and a hike always does the trick. Not wanting to leave the kids alone for too long (will there ever be a day when I don’t see them as little children?), I opted for one of my favorite routes – a walk through a nearby cemetery.
Granted, this was not just any cemetery. Designed by Frederick Olmstead, the landscape architect who created the masterpiece of Central Park, this cemetery is particularly beautiful. I entered through my secret passageway – a path that leads to a field that leads to the upper-most point of the park – and made my way through the meandering lanes. Low headstones dotted with bouquets of spring colors, the grass a particularly crisp shade of green, I immediately felt calmed. I wasn’t alone in embracing the ambience. There were a few parked cars along the way, some whose passengers remained in the seats.
I was enjoying my quiet time when I found my stride was catching up with another walker. I noticed was he was wearing flip flops. “Those are not good for hiking,” I noted to self, then wondered why I cared. His pace was slower than mine, so I was forced into the awkward pedestrian-pass. I didn’t want to seem rude passing him, but truthfully, I wanted to get moving. After all, my kids were home alone.
I turned to my right as I passed him. (more…)
Tags: inspiration, Summer
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Cluck Cluck
Friday, March 27th, 2009
I have chickens on my deck. They didn’t fly there, which wouldn’t make sense since chickens don’t fly. They were brought here by my friend, Alex, who is vacationing with his family. I guess you could say I’m chicken-sitting.
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Filling the Title
Friday, March 6th, 2009
Last week I approved the full book cover for The New Jew, and it went to print. I didn’t expect the feeling of fright at this point. It just suddenly seemed so final. Were there thoughtless misspellings in the text? Are the chapters out of order? Its hard enough for me to turn in a final paper for grad school. Yet, I just submitted a book to print!
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