A Smile Gone, A Spirit Everlasting

It almost seems too sacred and private to share in a blog. Yet, I know no other way to express my sadness than to write about it. And knowing that we all connect through our experiences, I believe this eulogy will resonate with people who have suffered the loss of a loved one.

My beloved brother-in-law, Marshall, died yesterday. He was my sister-in-law’s husband. He was everyone’s best friend. We were not shocked by the loss. He had fought an incredible battle with cancer, and more than tripled the life expectancy the doctors gave him. Yet, I can’t quite grasp that I will not see that big smile of his again. Or hear his quick wit.

The thing about Marshall (as if there were one thing) is that his smile was his baseline expression. When he entered a room, he didn’t do so in a grandiose way – he did it in a joyous way, which is why his smile seemed permanent. It was as if he was getting a perpetual kick out of life. When person who is always present, always laughing, always happy, leaves us, we are both comforted and saddened.  On one hand, I know Marshall truly had a good life. He was a loving, attentive father, husband and grandfather. He lived life fully every day, sailing, painting, reading, exercising, and running his dental practice.  Life didn’t pass him by, and that is a condolence. On the other hand, it seems that someone who lives like that, making everyone around them feel loved, should get to live even longer. We need more of Marshall. Instead, the air feels different now.

I guess I had to tell someone that I’m going to miss him taking out his ukulale at Thanksgiving, strumming a Hawaiian tune, coaxing us to sing along. I’m going to miss the way he grins as he listens to me, asking me with great interest about the little things in my life. I’ll miss him painting with my kids, and reading peacefully on the deck. I’ll miss the joyful calm he added to a room. I wonder if I could have possibly touched him even a morsel as much as he touched me.  The funeral and shiva are on Sunday. It will be good to gather with the people he loved and who loved him back, so we can honor him – and miss him – together.

Tags: funeral, jewish

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